Short preface, this began as a spam e-mail scam that you're probably already familiar with. I get them just like everyone else. Occasionally I would write back to them with wild things. These are the transcripts of our letters back and forth. We'll see who gets fucked...This one started as a message in my myspace inbox. Enjoy.
BRANCH MANAGER,
FINANCIAL TRUST BANK,
LONDON ENGLAND.
Dear Friend,
I hope you will receive this Email without a measure of fear and being rest assured that all will be well at the end of this transaction because of my position
and authority in the bank.
First, let me introduce myself. My name is LINDA MERCY a branch manager in my bank. I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for you. On Jan. 1990, an American oil consultant/contractor with the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation, Mr. Smith Shaw made a numbered time (Fixed) deposited for twelve calendar months, valued at US$15,000,000.00 (fifteen Million United States Dollars) in my branch. Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply.
After a month, I sent a reminder and finally I discovered from his contract Employers, Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation that Mr. Smith Shaw died from an automobile accident. On further investigation, I found out that he did not leave a WILL and all attempts to trace his next of kin were fruitless as the accident involved himself and his wife alongside his two children.
I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr. Smith Shaw did not declare any next of kin in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork. This sum of US$15,000,000.00 is still sitting in the Bank as at now. No one will ever come forward to claim it. According to my banks law (code of conduct) at the expiration of 15 (fifteen) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the bank if nobody applies to claim the funds. Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. Smith Shaw so that the fruits of this old man's labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt to officials.
This is simple; we shall employ the service of an Attorney (lawyer) for drafting and notarization of the WILL and obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favor for the transfer. The attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits, which will put you in place as the next of kin. A bank account in any part of the world, which you provide, will then facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin. The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio of 60% to 40%. The 60% is for
me while the 40% for your respectively. There is no risk at all hence, its 100% risk free.
All the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney (lawyer) and my position as the Branch Manager guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately via the private email address below. Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand more. Please observe utmost confidentiality, and be rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to
invest my share in your country. Awaiting your urgent response. If you are interested,
Reply me through my below email addresses and also provide me with the below information.E-MAIL ME ON LINDYLUV7777@YAHOO.CO.UK OR LINDYLUV7777@HOTMAIL.COM
1. YOUR FULL NAMES
2. COUNTRY AND STATE.
3. FULL CONTACT TELEPHONE NUMBERS. ( HOME AND MOBILE)
4. EMAIL ADDRESS.
Thank you.
LINDA MERCY.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Heya
A friend passed on this exciting e-mail to me, and I must JUMP at the chance to speak with you. My name is Brad Jones, though my friends call me 'Onion Jones'. This is my e-mail which you can contact me at, though I'm a bit leery about giving out my phone number at this time. My friend who passed this onto me is named Jeffrey, I'm not sure if you know him or not. He's a business manager and dog enthusiast. Anyways, I'm interested in helping you repatriate Mr. Shaw's account. If you can explain to me how we can proceed, I'd love to get invested in this. Or perhaps you can give me your number, and I can call you. Thanks kindly for your time.
Brad
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello Mr Brad,
I chose only your friend,just becsuase i feel he is the only one who could do this perfectly with em,i never wanted a third party in this becsuase it is a great deal and very sensitive one too,but since he showed you,i would want you to warn him sevierly that he shoould never tell this to any one and you too,i would now wnat you to keep this so secritive between yoi ,your friend and i.
You cantactine me i know i can trust you,have no fear,give me all the informations required of you,so that we can continue,as the bank branch amangaer you have no fear for anything ,i am involved too so we should put 100% trust in this.
I will tell you what to do next as soon as you e-mail me back with all your informations now.
Linda.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Linda!
Hey, sorry it's been a few since I've gotten back to you. I just got back from vacation in New Jersey. I went to see my uncle who's seriously ill. I'm not sure if you've ever heard of 'crysloaf', but it's a blood disease that affects circulation. Unfortunately there's no cure for it, and he's just been in bed for a long while now. Anyways, I can't call long distance until I get a new Long Distance provider for my tele, as I used to use Sprint until my business manager Jeffrey advised against it. Is there perhaps a way for me to interact with he attorney via e-mail? I was wondering, also, what you look like. I can send you a picture of myself, they don't call me Onion Jones for nothing! Hope all is well, and we can start this process A.S.A.P.
Brad
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello Mr Joseph Justice,
I am really sorry for all the problems that you have been faceing latey,i really commensorate with you,and i hope you get over the loss sooner,i know you are realy intrested in this deal as much as i am too and here are two e-mail addresses and i know if you sent mails to these boxes he would respond.I will back you up once he needs your reply and please always keep me informed on what ever the attorney asks you to dso so that i can allways back you up with all necessary documents.
The e-mail addresses are as follows williamsarkins4life@yahoo.co.uk and p_s_chambers@mail.lawguru.com. This e-mail addresses are the baest and the once that will make him respond ti you as fast as possible if really you are intrested,do this today as soon as you get this e-mail.
Linda
-----------------------------------------------
Hey Linda.
I'm sorry to say there's been a passing in my family. My uncle finally succombed to his disease, and New Jersey has been agonizing for me. It's been a tough month, and I find myself wandering about thinking of uncle Brumblepot. He was a good man, and his memory will live on. Anyways, I did e-mail the lawyer, but he never got back to me. Can you perhaps call him and ask him what's up with the whole thing? It was really the one silver lining I was looking forward to this month since the death. Anyways, please keep Brumblepot in your prayers.
Onion Jones
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Heya Linda,
I think you're getting me confused here. My name's Brad Onion Jones, the title on my e-mail is just some kind of sick joke. Is that cool? If we can continue, please call me Onion Jones, for I can accept no less. I'll wait for a response from you before I e-mail the lawyers again. May god bless my uncle Brumblepot, can you say anymore??
Onion Jones
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello Mr Brad Onion Jones,
I await your reply telling me we have started by you e-mailing the attorney,so that we can be on the same frequency and make these money together and you get your share and i get my share too,i will be with you in your country to get my share and i believe we can make some things work between us after the money has been shared,i am giving you my words.Best of luck.
Linda.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey Linda~!
So I e-mailed Bill with the following info.
1) My full name is Brad Hortense "Onion" Jones,
2) My Country is America, my city is New York
3) This is my valid e-mail adress, under the fake name of Max Ferris.
So, if there's anything else I can do, please don't hesitate to ask during this trying times. Please, let us pray for uncle Brumblepot. If you would be so kind as to return some words about my uncle, that would go a long way in helping me through this ordeal. You loved him so much, I can't even believe it. Can you believe he's gone? Will you come with me to the Brumblepot museum and sanctuary as I retell the story of his precise grooming?!
Onion Jones
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Linda,
Hey, just got home from a donut blowout. I love all kinds of donuts, though my uncle Brumblepot would always shy away from the ones filled with various kinds of cream. Like lemon cream. I believe that lemons in general function very well as scents to detergents and the like, but poorly as an actual food flavor. Do you ever watch TV? I really enjoy the Falvor of Love. Have you seen that? I'm thinking about Brumblepot right now, and of the lawyer's response to me. Do you think there's any connection there? CAN YOU DO ANY LESS? Anyways, I know that we trust each other -immensely- and I don't want anything fouling that up
So here's the deal, I want to here a bit from you about the different things you like to do, so I can get to know you better. This will help me trust you more, so we can move forward with these dealings. I'd like to know if you have a knickname? I'd like to call you Linda BoBinda. What kind of music do you like? I listen to dogs howling at night, since the passing of Brumblepot. What kind of cars do you like? I can see you riding in the throngs of a JEEP!? CAN YOU DO ANY LESS? PS. I'm currently at home, you should give me a call so we can flesh things out.
Onion Jones
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey Linda~!
So I e-mailed Bill with the following info.
1) My full name is Brad Hortense "Onion" Jones,
2) My Country is America, my city is New York
3) This is my valid e-mail adress, under the fake name of Max Ferris.
So, if there's anything else I can do, please don't hesitate to ask during this trying times. Please, let us pray for uncle Brumblepot. If you would be so kind as to return some words about my uncle, that would go a long way in helping me through this ordeal. You loved him so much, I can't even believe it. Can you believe he's gone? Will you come with me to the Brumblepot museum and sanctuary as I retell the story of his precise grooming?!
Onion Jones
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello,
Mr Brad Hortense Onion Jones,i really appreciate your responce,i was out on a bankining assiagnment,i am back now and i beleive that all will work out well and i really feel great trust and beleive in you like i have never done before in my life,i want you and i to base our transactions on real trust and beleieve as we start,i know that we would smile at the end of these deal if you follow my lead,i beleive you will follow my lead.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Linda,
Hey, just got home from a donut blowout. I love all kinds of donuts, though my uncle Brumblepot would always shy away from the ones filled with various kinds of cream. Like lemon cream. I believe that lemons in general function very well as scents to detergents and the like, but poorly as an actual food flavor. Do you ever watch TV? I really enjoy the Falvor of Love. Have you seen that? I'm thinking about Brumblepot right now, and of the lawyer's response to me. Do you think there's any connection there? CAN YOU DO ANY LESS? Anyways, I know that we trust each other -immensely- and I don't want anything fouling that up
So here's the deal, I want to here a bit from you about the different things you like to do, so I can get to know you better. This will help me trust you more, so we can move forward with these dealings. I'd like to know if you have a knickname? I'd like to call you Linda BoBinda. What kind of music do you like? I listen to dogs howling at night, since the passing of Brumblepot. What kind of cars do you like? I can see you riding in the throngs of a JEEP!? CAN YOU DO ANY LESS? PS. I'm currently at home, you should give me a call so we can flesh things out.
Onion Jones
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello Brad,
Sure i can,i like to swim and i love to ride in small cars not big cars,i like to keep low profile and i like rice and pepreaed chicken,stew and soup,i would even love to meet with you to cook for you when i see you so that you will know i am a good cook.I want to put smiles all over your face,make you the happiest man on planet earth.I will write you soonest ok .
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey Linda,
I'm sending you a picture of me and Brumblepot from last year. I'm so happy you like to swim, and I want you to ride in small cars all night long, you prettty little swimming small car lover. You love to ride small cars, dontcha? Well why don't you ride in the small car with me That's right, eat some stew. You eat that stew and go to your room! Doncha!? You're the person that's putting a smile on my face. ON MY FACE, where the smile goes. I will eat some stew right now, I don't care. If you come to my life, I will eat stew with you in a small car, and then go swimming like two or thee times. I'll talk with you later.
Brumblepot
Onion Jones
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey Linda,
I'm sending you a picture of me and Brumblepot from last year. I'm so happy you like to swim, and I want you to ride in small cars all night long, you prettty little swimming small car lover. You love to ride small cars, dontcha? Well why don't you ride in the small car with me That's right, eat some stew. You eat that stew and go to your room! Doncha!? You're the person that's putting a smile on my face. ON MY FACE, where the smile goes. I will eat some stew right now, I don't care. If you come to my life, I will eat stew with you in a small car, and then go swimming like two or thee times. I'll talk with you later.
Brumblepot
Onion Jones
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello Love,
I love what you just wrote to me "just the two of us together in a small world that has all in all whom no o ne can interupt or disturb in a small car eating up small stew like we are in a wonder land like alice and we wake up to see that it is real",this shows that we are for real and we will always be for real,i will love you more and more.
Love Linda.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello dearest Lover,
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey Linda BoBinda
Just checking in. I'm waiting for you to send me the documents the lawyer was talking about. Who was supposed to send them, you or him? I haven't heard anything, and I'm eager to continue.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello dearest Lover,
I'm so glad you love me more and more. This is sort of how I feel about Uncle Brumblepot. By the way, the lawyer e-mailed me back and said you'd have some documents for me to sign? I'm ready to sign them.
Let me recall a tail from uncle Brumblepot's youth. When he was a kid, growing up in Florida, his father, my grandpa 'English' Dan, had a craw-dad farm. Brumblepot had to work on the craw-fish farm every summer, during summer break from school. This was when he was about 14 or 15. It wasn't easy farming craw-dad, mainly because they are very temperamental creatures and don't flourish without the proper and exact elements in their habitats. Now, this was also the time when Sea Monkeys were just getting popular, you know those little critters that you can buy inside comic books? Obviously they weren't real 'monkeys', but a tiny sort of shrimp. English Dan, being a savvy business, saw that the market was booming for sea monkeys, and thought about getting involved in the market. Though unfortunately, his farming set up was all wrong for monkey harvest. To top that off, Florida at the time was expecting a class 5 hurricane. Like Katrina. You know that hurricane that killed black people in New Orleans? Well like that, but with white people instead. So English Dan had this big stock of craw-dads he had to move because of the incoming storm. Unfortunately, the craw-dad started to die off as he was transferring them to a farm in Texas. He quickly realized he could not move the entire host of craw without losing a substantial percentage of them. Mind you, they are pretty well valued in the food market, and losing almost an entire crop of craw-dad could send English Dan in bankruptcy and perhaps force him to send his son Brumblepot to EGYPT!!!!! Don't ever mention Egypt to me.
So, Brumblepot, being a smart boy and comic book reader, had a grand idea. He proposed to English Dan that they sell the craw and advertise them as Sea 'Apes' instead of Sea Monkeys. In one genius move, English Dan bought out advertising space in the comic book 'Amazing Sombreros'. Soon enough, he was getting orders for 'Sea Apes' left and right, so much so that he was able to move the entire crop of craw-dad before the hurricane hit, thus saving Brumblepot from EGYPT!!!! Anyways, that's the smart kinda guy Brumblepot was, can you do any less?
I'm really ready to make some money and be somebody's next of kin. If you would please contact me with all the information, I'll sign documents left and right. I mean, I'll sign more documents than you have. I'm talking about different colored documents, and ones made from macaroni. I will sign a document created purely out of interpretive dance. But please, don't mention Egypt. I've talked to my business manager, Jeffery, and he recomends I continue this process to the fullest. Please help me.
Let me recall a tail from uncle Brumblepot's youth. When he was a kid, growing up in Florida, his father, my grandpa 'English' Dan, had a craw-dad farm. Brumblepot had to work on the craw-fish farm every summer, during summer break from school. This was when he was about 14 or 15. It wasn't easy farming craw-dad, mainly because they are very temperamental creatures and don't flourish without the proper and exact elements in their habitats. Now, this was also the time when Sea Monkeys were just getting popular, you know those little critters that you can buy inside comic books? Obviously they weren't real 'monkeys', but a tiny sort of shrimp. English Dan, being a savvy business, saw that the market was booming for sea monkeys, and thought about getting involved in the market. Though unfortunately, his farming set up was all wrong for monkey harvest. To top that off, Florida at the time was expecting a class 5 hurricane. Like Katrina. You know that hurricane that killed black people in New Orleans? Well like that, but with white people instead. So English Dan had this big stock of craw-dads he had to move because of the incoming storm. Unfortunately, the craw-dad started to die off as he was transferring them to a farm in Texas. He quickly realized he could not move the entire host of craw without losing a substantial percentage of them. Mind you, they are pretty well valued in the food market, and losing almost an entire crop of craw-dad could send English Dan in bankruptcy and perhaps force him to send his son Brumblepot to EGYPT!!!!! Don't ever mention Egypt to me.
So, Brumblepot, being a smart boy and comic book reader, had a grand idea. He proposed to English Dan that they sell the craw and advertise them as Sea 'Apes' instead of Sea Monkeys. In one genius move, English Dan bought out advertising space in the comic book 'Amazing Sombreros'. Soon enough, he was getting orders for 'Sea Apes' left and right, so much so that he was able to move the entire crop of craw-dad before the hurricane hit, thus saving Brumblepot from EGYPT!!!! Anyways, that's the smart kinda guy Brumblepot was, can you do any less?
I'm really ready to make some money and be somebody's next of kin. If you would please contact me with all the information, I'll sign documents left and right. I mean, I'll sign more documents than you have. I'm talking about different colored documents, and ones made from macaroni. I will sign a document created purely out of interpretive dance. But please, don't mention Egypt. I've talked to my business manager, Jeffery, and he recomends I continue this process to the fullest. Please help me.
PS, I working on a picture now, of me and you, and Alice, driving in this car that the world can't touch, becuase it's so small and filled with stew eating maniacs. I wanna eat your stew. Stewy McStewster.
Onion Jones------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey Linda BoBinda
Just checking in. I'm waiting for you to send me the documents the lawyer was talking about. Who was supposed to send them, you or him? I haven't heard anything, and I'm eager to continue.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello Brad,
I want you to know that i have been working delegently to make things work out for both of us on this deal,i have done a great job here and i am sending to you the two most vital docuyments which you will need to send to the attorney for processing and make sure that you do your part as soon as he tells you to,here are the ndocuments,i want you and i to be together to talk soonest this week because if you do what ever the attorney tells you to then you will know how truthfull i am to you and i beleive inm you too.Mkae sure you keep thsi deal secret between us,so that we can make this right and justified.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LindaBoBinda.
Hey you! How about some stew?~! Can you do any less?? Ok, I got the documents but now I don't know what to do with them. What kinda of music do you like to get busy to? Would you like me to send you a compilation of different groups and artists that Burmblepot got me into? You must understand what a great man he was. Let me ask you, if I made a stew and cooked it in a car, how would you -really- feel? Because, I just can't roll any other way. Can you do any less? Any at all, come on... work with me here.
Also, I'd like for both of us to list things that we enjoy abut English Dan. I want you to go first. And I swear on my mother that if you tell me what you REALLY like about my Grandpa, I will do whatever it takes to stop helping you right now. Please help me stop, because in no uncertain terms you want me to go somewhere with these diickuments. You think that, what, I'm gonna rise from the stew chair I've got that feeds me explicit tails of farm animals? Riiiiiiiight.
HERE's the DEAL. You keep writing me with some distant example of the proper etiquette to become one's next of kin, and I will keep watching Next of Kin with Patrick Swazy. Can you do any less, please? I think I'll call the anti-chamber.
Who's your Onion, baby? Brad is.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LindaBoBinda.
Hey you! How about some stew?~! Can you do any less?? Ok, I got the documents but now I don't know what to do with them. What kinda of music do you like to get busy to? Would you like me to send you a compilation of different groups and artists that Burmblepot got me into? You must understand what a great man he was. Let me ask you, if I made a stew and cooked it in a car, how would you -really- feel? Because, I just can't roll any other way. Can you do any less? Any at all, come on... work with me here.
Also, I'd like for both of us to list things that we enjoy abut English Dan. I want you to go first. And I swear on my mother that if you tell me what you REALLY like about my Grandpa, I will do whatever it takes to stop helping you right now. Please help me stop, because in no uncertain terms you want me to go somewhere with these diickuments. You think that, what, I'm gonna rise from the stew chair I've got that feeds me explicit tails of farm animals? Riiiiiiiight.
HERE's the DEAL. You keep writing me with some distant example of the proper etiquette to become one's next of kin, and I will keep watching Next of Kin with Patrick Swazy. Can you do any less, please? I think I'll call the anti-chamber.
Who's your Onion, baby? Brad is.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello Brad,
You now know that i love stew,good and lovely too,i really want to make things work right between you ,i and the chambers and the banking sectors,that is why i have been so busy,but i can always tell you things you need to know about me and i love the way you go about asking me you make me feel ver happy and free to talk to you more and more,the documents should be sent to the attorney through e-mail so that they can start to work on that for the money to be reased to you and then i can come over to see your wonderfull face,some documents will be sent to your home address or office address when all is really ready,that is when you have done all he asks of,i like r&b,some jazz too,little rock and what kind do you like too?I would love that if you can send to me the compilation of those diffrent groups and artist that Burntblepot gets you into.
I would be the happiest woman on heart if you really do that,a stew in a little car?That would be lovely dear,sure that will be very lovely if only you can make that work out by doing all what the attorney tells you to do.The more you mail me the more i fall for you and i want to fall into your stew and i would want you to lick me out of the stew and put me on your table make a meak of me make me really hot and crspy lively and tempting,i would make you really feel like tempting to touch my sould and body,i p[romise to make you mine all through the night when i eventually get to you,i will never want to share you with no one else,promise me i would not share you with no one else.And i will give you the whole of my heart.Make things work out well for us ,do what ever the attorney tells you to.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My Dear Linda BoBinda,
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My Dear Linda BoBinda,
So I've just sent Br. Bill Barakas the documents which you sent me. Though he also asked for my phone number, which I'm not comfortable giving him because I'm not sure whether or not he's really on the A-Team. I've also withheld my address. But I'll be giving the rest of the info to him if you can answer the following questions for me.
1)Do you personally know this Barrister?
2)Can you vouch for him?
3)What kind of time frame are we looking at?
4)Can you send me a copy of your driver's license?
5)Why is your e-mail name lindyluv7777?
If you can answer these questions for me, I'll send the rest of the information to the A-Team. Let me tell you now how much I love your recipe for Linda Stew. Have you ever cooked a missionary? Do you like missionary position? I think I'm falling for this magic men call Linda. Can you do any less? I like a lot of music, and I've included a copy of Uncle Brumblepot's album that he worked on. I think you'd like it. I think you prolly would enjoy listening to it while cooking stew, actually. I'm told its excellent kitchen music. Do you have 'help'?
I want you to know that I'm gonna touch you in the soul. Probably with something that will make you crispy. Because, I really wanna get you hot and crispy, until you're dripping with stew. And I would like to shrink you as well. Perhaps to the size of an Onion!? (don't mention Egypt) If you were an Onion, I would make you grow into a giant Linda that destroyed Egypt. And then I wanna suck myself off until you turn back into an Onion again. That's why they call me Onion Jones. Don't you know how hot you're making me? You'll see. I'll put you in some stew. Now, I want you to go outside and declare your everlasting love for Onion Jones! (?) Because we're IN LOVE. I think that when you come to America, I'll treat you good and kind. And I'll always feed you stew until you get too lazy. And then maybe ask you nicely if you'll help me at English Dan's farm. I will give you my heart, but first I'd like a valid I.D. from you. Then you can have my heart, and after that you'll need to change everything. Don't you see?? We are gonna be Billionaires! I love it.
When we get this money, will you love me like you do? Will you still hang out with all those other men? I think that when we both get this money, we should like... buy an island. And definitely not call it Egypt. Hrm. What would you call our island? Let me think about it for a while... and then when you get back to me, I'll talk to you about possible ideas for our Island that's not called Egypt.
Your baby Onion1)Do you personally know this Barrister?
2)Can you vouch for him?
3)What kind of time frame are we looking at?
4)Can you send me a copy of your driver's license?
5)Why is your e-mail name lindyluv7777?
If you can answer these questions for me, I'll send the rest of the information to the A-Team. Let me tell you now how much I love your recipe for Linda Stew. Have you ever cooked a missionary? Do you like missionary position? I think I'm falling for this magic men call Linda. Can you do any less? I like a lot of music, and I've included a copy of Uncle Brumblepot's album that he worked on. I think you'd like it. I think you prolly would enjoy listening to it while cooking stew, actually. I'm told its excellent kitchen music. Do you have 'help'?
I want you to know that I'm gonna touch you in the soul. Probably with something that will make you crispy. Because, I really wanna get you hot and crispy, until you're dripping with stew. And I would like to shrink you as well. Perhaps to the size of an Onion!? (don't mention Egypt) If you were an Onion, I would make you grow into a giant Linda that destroyed Egypt. And then I wanna suck myself off until you turn back into an Onion again. That's why they call me Onion Jones. Don't you know how hot you're making me? You'll see. I'll put you in some stew. Now, I want you to go outside and declare your everlasting love for Onion Jones! (?) Because we're IN LOVE. I think that when you come to America, I'll treat you good and kind. And I'll always feed you stew until you get too lazy. And then maybe ask you nicely if you'll help me at English Dan's farm. I will give you my heart, but first I'd like a valid I.D. from you. Then you can have my heart, and after that you'll need to change everything. Don't you see?? We are gonna be Billionaires! I love it.
When we get this money, will you love me like you do? Will you still hang out with all those other men? I think that when we both get this money, we should like... buy an island. And definitely not call it Egypt. Hrm. What would you call our island? Let me think about it for a while... and then when you get back to me, I'll talk to you about possible ideas for our Island that's not called Egypt.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello Brad,
How are you?I know that you are really ok,i am really happy that you have asked me this questions now and this makes me really safe with you and in you i beleive we would go places,i want you to know that there are things the attorney should not know,unless he asks us but if he does not as we should not disclose anything to him,i know him to be a very good man who is God fearing,he has been incharge of this money since 1990 and can yopu immagine what other would have done to this money if they were in his shoes? i weant you to know that he is a good man and that i can vouch for him.
For the frame of timing,it all depends on how fast you respond to his request and i am sure that in less than a week we will be richer than we are today.I can and i will send to you via scanning machine into your box,that should not disturb our transactions and yours with the attorney,beleive me like i beleive in you and i need not say that again becvause i know we both do trust ourselfs,because a man and a woman who will leave together as man and woman would and should bel;eive and trust in themselfs for real and for love, i love the number 7(seven) because it is use as a number of strong and progressive unit in the bible and when the bible says somethings the bible referes to seven(7),which makes me happy because that number is biblical.My name as you know is linda, and the love there means "a loving hearted person".
My recipe is not ment for everybody,but a special person,the special person earns it and does not work for it but he deserve's it and i know in me that you are the man,if you really in your hear are whom you say you are in which i beleive you are.Been Rich woman or man those not say the love should not or would not excist,love grows alongside all neccessary facilities,i really want you to know that now that we are not as rich as we would be in the next few days or weeks,i kind of love you more and remember that when the money comes,i will love you more and more and more...There would be more chicken and fish stew for only youy and i in our small car,i would prepaer it in the small car,only a room for two.
I want you to respond and respect me likewise i would do that for you too my dear,respect is resiprocal,do what ever the attorney tells you to do now,because he is a good man and i know you are too,love will shine on those who trust in each other like you and i.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LinaBobinda
I'm so good this morning. And I just recieved an e-mail from the lawyer. But there's a problem, he wants me to pay 10 thousand dollars. Now I do have the money, but it's all tied up in cash at the moment. If you really love me, you'll give me 28 thousand dollars. Can you do any less?? Then I can pay the lawyer and start to save up a nest egg for us. With the money, I'll drive you nuts with random stories. Here's one for free....
This is the story of the best comb Uncle Brumblpot had. It's a comb like you might have. It's made from the wealth slaved from the diamond pits of Africa. Brumblpot bought it from a shifty fellow, in town on license of wanten behavior. A man from Booga Wooga, who smiled when he killed. Something of the wyld that didn't belong in Bar Harbor at the time. What would this sleepy New English colony do? So first, running about the harbor with his diamond comb, the man from Booga Wooga (Which is actually Egypt, but sit there and pretend for five seconds like you didn't just read that)
1
2
3
4
5
Ok. What he did was straighten the hair of many New Englanders with a WOOSH! That was the sound of everyone's hair getting tip top and rad. Just like you wanna have it, all crazy 'n shit. So everyone gets there hair did with this badass comb that's made out of diamonds, but no one really knows that the man from Wooga Booga charges $22.50 for each cut. Back in the day, that was like a lot of money. And all the people of the coast owed him huge debts. But the man said he'd excuse the debts if they feed him all the onions of the town. Can you do any less?? Or, if someone bested him at the onion toss. Now it's known by and large that you love your onions tossed. Also, Brumblepot was an excellent Onion tosser.
JUST LIKE YOU
So there was a challenge, and Brumblepot called the man out to excuse the debts of all the pissant villagers. The man from MOOGA DOGGA could not do any less, and tossed the onion right in the old man's mouth. But when Brumblepot stepped up to the line of contestants, his toss was so underhanded, that it appeared to float in the air. And when the onion came down, he totally missed like a certain LuvyBina might. So he lost, becuase I was messing with him by writting something rediculous while I'm high and forcing you to read it in order that you give in to my superior and half alien power. Brumblepot, for his punishment, was forced to become the keeper of the comb which caused him to look like a turtle man.
And that's how I got my name.
Now give me $28000. please. I love you.
You know who... onion jones
I'm so good this morning. And I just recieved an e-mail from the lawyer. But there's a problem, he wants me to pay 10 thousand dollars. Now I do have the money, but it's all tied up in cash at the moment. If you really love me, you'll give me 28 thousand dollars. Can you do any less?? Then I can pay the lawyer and start to save up a nest egg for us. With the money, I'll drive you nuts with random stories. Here's one for free....
This is the story of the best comb Uncle Brumblpot had. It's a comb like you might have. It's made from the wealth slaved from the diamond pits of Africa. Brumblpot bought it from a shifty fellow, in town on license of wanten behavior. A man from Booga Wooga, who smiled when he killed. Something of the wyld that didn't belong in Bar Harbor at the time. What would this sleepy New English colony do? So first, running about the harbor with his diamond comb, the man from Booga Wooga (Which is actually Egypt, but sit there and pretend for five seconds like you didn't just read that)
1
2
3
4
5
Ok. What he did was straighten the hair of many New Englanders with a WOOSH! That was the sound of everyone's hair getting tip top and rad. Just like you wanna have it, all crazy 'n shit. So everyone gets there hair did with this badass comb that's made out of diamonds, but no one really knows that the man from Wooga Booga charges $22.50 for each cut. Back in the day, that was like a lot of money. And all the people of the coast owed him huge debts. But the man said he'd excuse the debts if they feed him all the onions of the town. Can you do any less?? Or, if someone bested him at the onion toss. Now it's known by and large that you love your onions tossed. Also, Brumblepot was an excellent Onion tosser.
JUST LIKE YOU
So there was a challenge, and Brumblepot called the man out to excuse the debts of all the pissant villagers. The man from MOOGA DOGGA could not do any less, and tossed the onion right in the old man's mouth. But when Brumblepot stepped up to the line of contestants, his toss was so underhanded, that it appeared to float in the air. And when the onion came down, he totally missed like a certain LuvyBina might. So he lost, becuase I was messing with him by writting something rediculous while I'm high and forcing you to read it in order that you give in to my superior and half alien power. Brumblepot, for his punishment, was forced to become the keeper of the comb which caused him to look like a turtle man.
And that's how I got my name.
Now give me $28000. please. I love you.
You know who... onion jones
- Show quoted text -
On 4/4/06, linda mercy <lindyluv7777@yahoo.co.uk> wrote:
Hello Brad,How are you?I know that you are really ok,i am really happy that you have asked me this questions now and this makes me really safe with you and in you i beleive we would go places,i want you to know that there are things the attorney should not know,unless he asks us but if he does not as we should not disclose anything to him,i know him to be a very good man who is God fearing,he has been incharge of this money since 1990 and can yopu immagine what other would have done to this money if they were in his shoes? i weant you to know that he is a good man and that i can vouch for him.For the frame of timing,it all depends on how fast you respond to his request and i am sure that in less than a week we will be richer than we are today.I can and i will send to you via scanning machine into your box,that should not disturb our transactions and yours with the attorney,beleive me like i beleive in you and i need not say that again becvause i know we both do trust ourselfs,because a man and a woman who will leave together as man and woman would and should bel;eive and trust in themselfs for real and for love, i love the number 7(seven) because it is use as a number of strong and progressive unit in the bible and when the bible says somethings the bible referes to seven(7),which makes me happy because that number is biblical.My name as you know is linda, and the love there means "a loving hearted person".My recipe is not ment for everybody,but a special person,the special person earns it and does not work for it but he deserve's it and i know in me that you are the man,if you really in your hear are whom you say you are in which i beleive you are.Been Rich woman or man those not say the love should not or would not excist,love grows alongside all neccessary facilities,i really want you to know that now that we are not as rich as we would be in the next few days or weeks,i kind of love you more and remember that when the money comes,i will love you more and more and more...There would be more chicken and fish stew for only youy and i in our small car,i would prepaer it in the small car,only a room for two.I want you to respond and respect me likewise i would do that for you too my dear,respect is resiprocal,do what ever the attorney tells you to do now,because he is a good man and i know you are too,love will shine on those who trust in each other like you and i.Linda.
Hello Brad Dear,How are you? I know you are ok and fine,I want you to understand that as a banker i am very ha[[y with all you say to me and all your precuationary motives,you are a man to be with and i really feel you are a real and good bussiness man to be with, With you i know there is a future for us and our kids,i want you to to know that i do not keep cash as a bank manager and i spend money daily and i have limits to my daily spendings,all my money are stocked in bounds and shares and i have them in fixed deposites,but for you i will have to sell dome bounds and i will do that only for you my love,as soon as i got your mail i was disturbed and i went to the bank and made arrangements for the bounds and stocks.The attorney came to our branch office to tell us about the processing of the money transfer and change of name my love.and he told me and showed the borad of directors your letters and the investigation moves and all was fine,i am very happy with you and al the bold steps you have taken,i have only trhe sum of 1500 pounds with and that is the money i want to use in buying flight tickes and making some paper works on my coming to you by next week,because the attorney said in some of his words that it will only take him only 3 to 4 working days to make the payment into your account,My dearest i will send you the money you request for as soon as i get a feed back from the stock extange office and i would want you to send the money to the attoney or you should send to him 70% of the fee,i would send you the money as soon as i get them,rtespond to the attorney's request he is a good man and i beleive he is really working hard for you too from what he said yesterday and he would do it as he has said,he said he would start as soon as reply his messages with good and responsible reply.You are a man to be with my dear,a man i want to stew with in a small car,a car only for two(2) you and i like bony and clide.Money is not the only thing involved with you and i,we have more than money we have a long distance feelings and a feelings that will last long and i beleive in the power of you and i and i know you will keep to your words like the real man that you realy are.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I want some money right now. Give me your money! I want 28 thousand dollars. You better gimme the damn money or I'm never giving your lawyer the money. If you just give me 28 thousand dollars than we can give it to our kids.
Our first child will be named Jackalope James. When Jackalope James was born, my LindaBobinda was col' chilling at my pad in the anti-chamber. Then the birthing cramps grabbed you by the vagina and dragged your silly bint hinny down to the hospital. I was there though, becuase I was catching fish at the fish market. When I get the call from Doctor Skott, I missed the throw of a life-time and got clocked with a founder in the nose. So I drive over to the hospital with a broken septum, bleeding all over the place and they try to putt me in my own room! So we're both in different rooms, and Jackalope Jones leaps out with a sentient intelligence. We end up nameing him Jackalope Jones, becuase he's born with chicken feet and antlers.
Listen to me, our son wants your money. We need to raise enough money to feed him stew next to that small ass car you're always yelling about. I swear, if I'd known you were into all this crazy stuff I woulda sent you to talk with St. Slaughter. Just stop your praddling and give me 28 thousand dollars. If you do this, we can have little mocha babies. Baby stew.
stew.
Onions in the stew cost 28 thousand dollars.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello
How are you? I really feel what you have just mailed to me,but i do not really understand the aspect of some things that sounds like insult? What do you mean i am pradding? And that i am yelling?About what?I want you to know that it will take 5 working day for then to get all the neccesary papers ready for me to get the money from the stuck exchange matket to me.
About our son? I want you to make that work out for real,but how will you do that?By you making me feel really bad? Or by you not paying the attorney?How can you and i be together as man and wife if we do not get to give ourselfs words and stick to them like we say?I beleive in you and i still do that you are a man of your words.The man that will be the father of my childreen,he is a sincere man and the man who will say yes and do whtever he says.Lets be inclined pay the attorney my love,i am getting everything ready for us my dear.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------Let me be clear. Crystal clear. I want 28 thousand dollars from you so I can get you pregnant. Do you understand? My man seed costs 28 thousand dollars. Don't disappoint little Jackalope Jones! Can you do any less?
See, if you give me 28 thousand dollars, I'll know you're so lovely and a person of trust. I am working for five days straight to get you pregnant. How can we be together unless you shut up and give me money? I want to get pregnant, with our love childreen. I am inclined to tell you about the magic lawnmower!
Brumblepot had a lawnmower, he called it BIG Red. Because it was small. And every day he rode that little lawnmower called BIG Red. He rode it on the grass in front of his house, some people call this a 'lawn'. The problem was, there were many squirrels in the neighborhood. The squirrels cause havoc around the house, chewing up wires, fucking with the sprinkler system, even biting holes in the tires of the family car. When Brumblepot realized what was messing up the tires on his god damn family mini-van, he had a shitfit. What I mean is, he straight went buck wild. I'm talking balls deep bat nuts. My uncle raised the lawn mower and attacked the wild life that tormented him so . Squeal squeal went the squirrels.
I want 28 thousand dollars for the lawyer, or you can't ever see our baby living inside you. High 5! You are so funny and nice, I can think trust me for a good man of word his. Will me be truthful and caring man for to ask my money for babies?!
Onion JONES
------
Hello Brad,
The more you e-mail me,i really feel your attention the more,you are a very funny and nice man to be with.I really feel that ypu and i will be very good and nice together for a long time together.You are one in a million of men that i have ever felt this way for in my life and i really want to belive and hope that you will be th last amn i will ever fall in love with,i would not want to lose you and i know that you would never want to lose me too,because some one like you is very hard to find,i know that you and i know that money is not what is between us now,what is in between you and i is more than the world can break down,we have a love as strong as the wall of gibroter.Love like ours is hard to find,and remember that the course of true love is never smooth.
Love Linda.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
LinaBobinda
The less you long for my onions, the more I see you are the smooth and golden brown of my truthful loins. I wish to for you to know I am the love in small car. What will for me to love the stew you are in, and only us in the world. Me am the only one for the only smooth onion in the hope and life. Life and love will be in our baby heart for getting so smooth.
The more I see you everyday, the less I love myself. Can you do any less??? We need a car. I'd love you if you send me 28 thousand dollars. shut up. You can lose me if you don't give me the money I need to pay the ant-chamber. Always remember that I love you.
I will not be writting you again, unless you agree to give me 28 thousand dollars. In fact, please don't write me back unless you're ready to make that commitment, you cookie face. Go eat some ants. And give me money.
(To be cont...)
